All characters or statements in this chapter are purely fictitious. Even those that relate to your personal lives are non-relevant. Any resemblance to personalities or thoughts are purely coincidental. The purpose of this chapter is basic entertainment and slight mockery of the matchmaking that desi girls have to go through. None of the writers are under any type of toxic influence, please enjoy the rollercoaster ride with characters of a desi community. All the voices in your head will now make their way towards the fantasy world I created, but a semi-poor version because we don't have a good budget on this chapter.
Once upon a time, in a far away Desi Land, there lived a royal family. The family had a King, a Queen and 2 Princesses. The older Princess found her Prince Charming and had set very high expectations for the younger one, who has now come of age.
This Princess needed to get married before her eggs expired, so the King and Queen began their quest of finding her Prince Charming. The journey was and remains to be filled with anxiety, annoyance and stress. However, as the Princess continues on this journey, she finds her stories to be entertaining and requires for them to be shared with the peasants of the world.
This is a story about how a Princess is going through several frogs (and toads) to get to her Prince. Will she ever find her Prince? Will the King and Queen ever stop bringing in Frogs? Let’s find out how many frogs we have to go through to get to our Prince.
It all began at the eve of her 17th birthday, where she got her very first proposal. Let’s call him OG Anonymous as she had never gotten the chance to meet the guy and lets leave it there, because there’s nothing more to it.
Over the years, she was nearing the end of her education, thinking that she would be a free-bird in a corporate world but her parents had other plans for her. She was 21 now, that is the legal age of having kids in a desi society. And she was not getting turnt!
Her first proper encounter was with a family that flew in from overseas and came bearing numerous gifts. It left her wondering if they were trying to do a barter, the Princess in exchange for the gifts? The Silent Foreigner was not checking any of the boxes, his communication skills were missing, just like a button on his shirt. The Princess was in distress and could not wait for them to return back home.
Lucky for her, she was not in distress for too long. Enter Mr. Protein Sheikh, known for his fitness and diet plans, something that she was not accustomed to. Her plans included McDonalds and loads of candy! Although Protein Sheikh was falling into the eye-candy category, their timing just wasn’t right.
The Princess thought she was to never find The One. How many more frogs would she have to meet to get to her Prince Charming? Little did she know, she had a long way to go.
Then came, The One That Got Away. He was a tall, smart and handsome who seemed to be one of a kind. He was successful and checked all the boxes for the King & Queen. The Princess, however, held hope for a different frog and alas, had to politely decline.
This different frog came with a bag full of promises and dreams, which the Princess later realized was a bag full of lies. But the bag was not the only thing he was lying about! She learned overtime that he was never a frog to begin with, he was actually A Toad in disguise. One that needed to go back to his swamp and live with his own kind.
Heartbroken from her venture with the toad, the Princess was in a confused state of mind. Would she make the same mistake again? Not recognizing a toad in a pond full of frogs?
Then came in Joe Goldberg, who raised red flags from the beginning when he shared an unrealistic requirement list of what he seeks in a partner. The red flags continued to wave as he would call and text, day and night, to a point where it was becoming excessive and needed to slow down. But he wouldn’t get the message, as he was too self-obsessed to pick up on the signs. The Princess drew the line the day he showed up at her workplace unannounced.
Ladies, when that happens, RUN!
And then came in some recommendations from her friends. These were profiles from all sorts of industries, friends of those in showbiz, owners of entertainment businesses and then an employee at a logistics firm. The Princess was NOT happy with these Tom, Dick and Harry recommendations. Further along, a few Common Men approached to gain her affection through sending love letters. But a Princess like her was not going to let down her hair for calloused hands to grab.
Her family started to get restless because all they were hearing was “NO!”; they took matters in their own hands and attempted to get back in the game. Little did they know, that they were only setting themselves up for further disappointment by introducing the Insignificant 6 to the beloved Princess. These 6 came with such high hopes but were instantaneously turned away (with valid reasoning of course).
She was then approached by a number of questionable characters.
A moms dream come true - the one true, Miracle Twin Baby. After having a few daughters, the parents kept trying for a son to complete their family and eventually got lucky with their miracle twin boys. They approached the King & Queen to ask for their daughters hand - they kept wanting to capture the moment to share with the miracle boy, but as the family seemed too whimsical, they were sent away to go back to the land they came from.
As straight as the men were that the Princess was searching for, she didn’t realize she would run into a potential gay father-in-law. This was something that she was not prepared to face as it is uncommon within the desi culture. Monsieur’s Dad may not have known his truth, but his words and body language sure did!
She heard a soft voice call out her name and out of curiosity, she turned to see who called out for her. While there was a little girl in the vicinity, the voice had actually come from a little man with a big appetite. She found herself in the company of Gel Fest. A place where she was too distracted by the gel being lathered like shampoo from roots to ends of every strand! She had to turn away to get to a better place.
Casper joined the party to see if the Princess would be interested in her son. But the volume at which Casper spoke was not ideal for the Princess, and with no remote, she did not want to be a part of this show! Another Boy from Bahrain did not sit well with the Princess’s brain. And then appeared a man who was clearly very Drunk, denied it, appealed it, he blew up his front. He was sentenced for life without the Princess! The last questionable character only came with his Eyebrows. He left his pride and respect back home and came with a load of excitement. She was then visited by Anonymous, who came to see her, but saw all the food instead. All the attention went to sandwiches, and some to samosas, so the interaction between them was pretty much dead. A Doctor was called to make her stronger, but distance does not always make the heart grow fonder. Another Smarty came with logic but failed to spark the magic.
Disappointed with her options, she hoped for better potentials. But she was yet to meet Dumb & Dumber, people that are constantly “busy with a chat like stupid”.
Dumb was self-obsessed and thought he was the best. He shamelessly sent flowers to the Princess, hoping for her to say yes. He tried every medium to connect with her, even though he was taken by another. Dumber was a lost soul trying to understand the Princess. Her language was too complex for him, he even tried Google Translate, but their chances to be together were VERY slim. He said his goodbyes that gave her shivers, his heart was in the right place, but he said “may the world recovers”.
The world may not have recovered, but the quality of potentials were finally stepping up to match our beloved Princess.
Royalty finally approached - however, as extraordinary as the royalty were on the outside, they were frogs after all. We all know, that the prettier the frogs, the more poisonous they are. But that’s how many frogs the Princess had to meet to get to the final potential Prince Charming.
*Insert Taylor Swift - Love Story*
Prince Charming took off to travel across the world and wooed her with his charm.
There’s only one way this story ends, and that’s with them walking arm in arm.
Stay safe & be kind,
Sara from Dubai
(Loyal subject of: Sima from Mumbai)