Updated: Jun 13, 2020
All of Sara's personalities have joined the chat
How weird is it that you have to adjust to life changing? Not just have to adjust, you are practically forced to adjust. Whether it's losing someone, whether it's making a new friend or a global pandemic. How weird that you are forced to make that adjustment.
I guess it's different when you make that decision. You make a decision for life to change, you adjust and go through the change. Embrace it with open arms. But what if a bomb was dropped on you by a decision maker (or a stakeholder in your life, if you may). Like, hello, here is your to do list moving onward, you have been demoted from valued human to slave/invalid* human, please enjoy the rest of your time on earth.
*is invalid the right word? What's the opposite of valued? Unvalued? Is that a word? Invalid seems like rejected or neglected and I like that, which is why I have proceeded to go with that word.
in·val·id | in-val-ed
: not valid: not valued, irrelevant, cancelled.
i.e: there goes that invalid person
You go through days of feeling alright and embrace the enforced change because people keep saying 'it is what it is, we gotta get through it, we're in this together'. But is it really? Because we also go through days where hearts end up at the bottom of our stomach, throats get dry, and we get a headache from trying not to cry because of how we feel. To some extent, we're not even allowed to feel what we feel because 'it is what it is, you need to adapt'.
You try to be kind and positive, you want to make sure that you are remembered by your kindness, but you're also hurting because the change is new and so uncertain but 'it is what it is'. How do you accept that and continue being positive when every emotion you go through is negative and you walk around (your house because #quarantine) feeling heavy? How do you live with uncertainty without losing your mind? Will you be okay? Will your loved ones be okay? Will the ones you lost be okay? Will your neighbors be okay? Will your carwash guy be okay? Moral of the story is, don't get attached to anyone cz it is what it is bishh. You came in the world alone, you'll die alone #morbid.
'It is what it is' but is it really?
You distract yourself, you're keeping busy and don't have the time to tend to your emotions, you're adapting to the change without even knowing it, you might even start to believe that 'it is what it is'. Damn, you shouldn't have been so hard on people when they said that because look at you now, believing in what was always said. Right? Wrong hun, cz now you're by yourself, all alone, being faced with reality and how self-destructive you tend to be in such situations. All these thoughts in your head, blaming you for all the losses in your life. What a loser right? You even blame yourself for the pandemic cz 'you weren't a good human so God decided to punish you and THE WHOLE WORLD as well? Get your self-destructive ass outta here, you're invalid remember?
You had a fire in you, you're trying to light it again, you find it empowering to know how in control you can be when going through life changes. You pick and choose where the empowerment lies, 'it is what it is' right? You choose what it is, you're a boss ass b*. But sike! Are you really? Cz you choose to be in control of everything unimportant. And sadly, the important things bring the fire in you that is now burning out.
So by now, if you've stuck around, you're probably thinking - okay, you're emo and change is difficult and you're probably borderline psycho but we won't say it out loud because you might destroy us.
I guess the real moral of the story, or takeaway is that life changes all the time, but you've got to adapt, learn, overcome these life changes. Because how long can you scare yourself or upset yourself for? It really is what it is. It can be handled better, and you know who can handle it better? You. You know why? Because you are the key decision maker of your life. You are the biggest, most important stakeholder of your life, so if any decision is made (even those that you have no control over), you choose how to make the situation better and you proceed with it. You are not irrelevant, you are not invalid. You are a strong, empowering, loved individual who has just been knocking on the wrong doors. Your time will come. You have to get through these weird life changes of being part of history, losing people, making weird new friends, in order to get to your final destination.
Life is weird bud, it is what it is.
All of Sara's personalities have left the chat
All the love in the world because I am an emotional wreck and want to give it to anyone who spent over one minute reading this piece of crap,