Chapter 42 - Anxiety Galore
Ooh we know this is going to be a good one! All Millennials and Gen Z's can relate to this. All baby boomers can nod their head and think we're spoilt children with no mental health issues because there is no such thing as mental health because 'back in our day, we just got over it' - so we should get over it too, right?
If you can't tell, I'm raging. I'm also upset. I'm also anxious AF.
Do you ever have those days where your hands are trembling, not because you had too much caffeine that day, or because you have a big presentation to present to the whole class or your CEO - just trembling on its own? Or do you ever feel like your stomach is in knots and your heart is at the bottom of the ocean, chained to a rock? Even Team Gryffindor cannot come and save it with any spells?
I'm not here to tell you how I feel or whatever (not that you don't have the gist of it already) but I come with a question.
My question to you is, how do you snap out of that? You know, how do you get rid of that feeling? Is it possible? Has anyone ever snapped out of it? Hit your girl up fam.
I once mentioned the above (more or less in the same words) to a therapist, and her very sensitive, professional, heartfelt reply was 'just snap out of it'.
So dear beloved reader, how do you snap out of it? Or how do you suggest that I or anyone else who feels this way snaps out of it?
I am currently the definition of anxiety -
I am extremely nervous about whatever the future holds. 2020 was uncertain, but not knowing whether we will ever go back to a life similar to 2019 or before is too much uncertainty for my little brain/heart/mind/soul. Will I get a stable job? Will I find a good partner? Will my friends still love me in the future? Will I lose more people? Will I make good impressions? Will I be able to stay confident? What the heck - I don't need this nervousness - can someone take it away? Hello, my name is anxiety, can I please drop off this nervousness?
I fear anything and everything. Do I want to go in the elevator? No because I'm scared I'll get stuck. Do I want to park on the main road? No because I'm scared that a car will hit me. Do I want to drive to work? No because I'm scared my brakes will fail. Do I want to go partying? No because I'm scared I'll get COVID. You know - everything scares me. To a point where I find myself holding my breath in so many situations - I am in the comfort of my own home - yet I am not breathing comfortably - WHY? And this whole holding my breath situation leads to a breathing issue, so hello, anxiety here, how can I help you?
I worry - I worry so much. I worry about you, about me, about my cat, about the world, about my country, about the country I'm living in, about the country I want to live in, about the lady who crossed the road without looking both ways in 2016, about the kid who always holds the elevator for me when I come back home. I worry so unnecessarily. I need to know when I signed the contract stating that I want to be the mother of everyone that I meet. WHO gave me permission to worry so much about all these people? What does worry bring you? Anxiety, hello - it's me again. How may I be of service?
I am restless beyond words. I will do ANYTHING in my power to avoid sitting by myself because my high alert-ness will go to the moon and probably never return (activate me fearing again) - But I'm so restless. I'm always feeling like I'm in danger, or I'll constantly be panicking or dreading something that'll lead to me being restless - again - beyond words. And my restlessness will lead to me writing this post, or cooking, or cleaning, or finding crafts on amazon and ordering those because I'd rather do anything this world has to offer than address reasons as to why I'm anxious. Yes, hi, I am anxiety, no autographs please.
So my question - how do I snap out of this?
In all seriousness - yes I have tried to address reasons why I'm anxious but if you have anxiety you know that it's never just one thing and it never goes away so...
Hello, I'm anxiety, nice to meet you but I don't want to be friends for your own mental peace.