Updated: Jun 13
Amna Javed, the most beautiful soul I have ever known. This chapter has been a work in progress for a while now. I will have no timelines, I will have no sugarcoated stories, I will have no logic. This chapter is straight from the heart to the blog.
Name: Amna Javed
Date of Birth: 20 August 1993
Occupation: Soul Sister
Date of Death: 09 September 2018
Yes, this is going to be a difficult chapter, but I strongly have the need to write about my beautiful soul. Amna has always been my right hand. I have known her since I was a child. We grew up together playing silly games such as hide and seek, or 'wall touch' or a fox game that I can't quite remember but I promise you it was fun.
She's always been a quiet yet extremely strong woman. These women exist and the world should be afraid of them because they will sit quietly and assess everything that is happening but not speak. Mainly because they are storing all information that they are assessing in their big beautiful brain. But this will be used against you when you're in any type of discussion that they are not willing to back down on.
Amna was born in Lahore, Pakistan. She is a daughter of a Chartered Accountant and a Banker. Smartness just ran in the family. As a child, while she was in school, she would always come out first in class. Can you guys imagine the amount of times our report cards got compared? #awkward. And then as an adult, "adult" - totally derailing, she was not an adult, she was a little baby that was pretending to be an adult just like the rest of us. Okay so, as an adult, she decided that she wanted to study Psychology.
Now put yourself in her shoes, Father is a Chartered Accountant, Mother was a Banker. Daughter comes up and says I want to study Psychology - will the parents freak out? Absolutely yes. But remember what I said about her being a quiet yet extremely strong woman? She sat and assessed the behaviors of all accounting and banking backgrounds and stored all that information in her brain until she had to bring it out in a 'heated discussion' with her parents, proving that she is amazing in being a weird psychologist and therefore should proceed to study it further. She was not going to back down and her parents knew it - so they said fine, be weird and study brains.
Every single moment you spent with her, you would be analyzed. She would convince you to do something every time you met her and then say "I have classically conditioned you, Pavlov will be proud". She was obsessed with cognitive and behavioral Psychology. She'd always say "cognitive is always about the brain - always about how one stores things in their memory and how one would go about in making their decision" - this sentence was always followed by "you are such an idiot, I can't do any cognitive psychology with you". Jee thanks babe, you're such a great friend. I would also get "you're the best test monkey for behavioral psychology", which basically means she would study my behavior. As we have established that I am in fact an idiot, she always found it to be interesting that my behavior would never be the same in similar situations. I always had a different way of reacting to things, and this is something I would never notice on my own, except I have been a test monkey so I smart and I know these things now. Thanks for making me a smarter monkey baby.
All Amna wanted in life after completing a Psychology degree was to get married to a nice guy who would keep her in check with Allah and keep her happy. She found a cute boy called Salman and lured him into her world and got him to ask her to marry him.
#achievementunlocked as she would call it. Salman is a good guy, he took real good care of Amna. The two of them got married last year and were expecting a little baby to come soon and grow their little family by the end of March 2019.
I was always a little jealous of Salman. Who wouldn't be? He stole my best friend away from me. She would live with him and not be at my house all the time? She would go to cute places with him and not me? She would eat food with him and not me? Rude much.. But I have to say, as jealous as I was of Salman, Amna never made me feel less loved or unloved. She would always see me when she could, she would always take me to a nice place because she knows if she wouldn't, I would be at home in my pjs watching Netflix, she would bring takeout and ask to watch something with me if we knew we were not going to see each other for a while because food and Netflix is life.
I have to be honest. She would always be there for me whether I needed someone or not. She always knew what to say when I was feeling low, she always knew how to keep me in check when I was on a high. She's everything you would want in a friend. Hype you when you know you look flawless.
Tell you how crappy you look when you haven't showered in sometime and try to pull off as if it's okay.
Hold you when you've been quiet and not been communicating or talking much all day.
Bring you fries when you don't feel so happy.
Make you cake at the smallest news of joy.
This is getting a little sadder - because I feel like I have to talk about how she passed away as well. Because I really want some type of awareness to be created amongst hospitals - not that my blog will bring this awareness but it's my blog so my rules. I do what I want.
My sweetheart was 3 months pregnant, she had sudden bleeding and was rushed to the hospital on the 9th of September 2018 at around 1am. She was not provided with any medical attention, she was asked to wait for 2 hours in a waiting room. At 3am, a doctor agreed to see her and had done all the tests to figure out what is happening and why. She had an ectopic pregnancy. This was realized when it was too late to save the little child that my friend was growing inside of her. And as the procedure was happening to save the little fetus, my sweetheart lost her own life.
I will explain for those who do not understand.
A normal pregnancy is when a fertilized egg is implanted inside of the uterus. The egg grows into a fetus in the uterus. A pregnancy where the fertilized egg is implanted outside of the uterus is known as a ectopic or tubal pregnancy. This is when the egg is implanted in the fallopian tube and grows there. The uterus is a place which has the space for an egg to grow into a fetus and further grow into a baby. However, a tube is a tube, you cannot have an egg grow into much from within a tube as it is deprived from certain nutrients and mostly space. So Amna was growing a fetus in a tube, and as the child was growing into a baby, it did not have any space and caused bleeding to occur, which caused the doctors to begin a rushed procedure as they were not able to identify the problem in earlier appointments. The rushed procedure cost us 2 lives.
This is something that I would highly encourage women to get checked when they are doing their visits with their OB/GYN. Please make sure in the early stages of your pregnancy, whether it is weeks or first month, that your child is situated in the right place. I cannot stress how important it is for you to do so. In the first few weeks, you may not be able to situate the child as it is literally an egg, however, please make regular visits. Because, if this problem is identified at an early stage, treatment can be provided in a timely manner. I know this isn't something you would be thinking about because you would be more excited to find out what gender the baby is, if the heart rate is normal, if the blood pressure is normal and so on, but please - don't disregard this as a small issue that would only happen to a small percentage of people. Please take this seriously.
Hospitals - please proactively do checks. I know you may have 1000 patients in your waiting room. But don't leave a pregnant woman in your waiting room bleeding. That is not good customer service, that is not good ethics, that is not humanity. How much noise does one family have to make to get the correct medical attention required? I cannot blame this on anyone because it is what is is and what happened has now happened.
But ladies, please do detailed check ups.
Hospitals, please conduct detailed check ups.
I miss her.
Not a day goes by that I don't.
Every joke I hear, I want to share with you.
Every meme I see, I want to send it to you.
Any sad news I get, I want to share with you so you give me a bear hug.
Any happy news I get, I want to share with you so you give me a bear hug.
When I fainted and I got a booboo on my fingers, I wanted to tell you so you would lecture me on eating properly and taking care of myself when I walk around.
When I'm in traffic, I want to complain to you.
When I'm shopping, I want to buy everything for you.
While eating food, I want to bother you by using the forks and knives in the wrong hands.
While drinking with a straw, I want to bug you because I like straws and you like the environment.
When dressing up, I think of all the times you asked me to dress up for you and I said you should like me in my pjs because that means I'm comfortable with you when in reality I'm just lazy and can't be bothered to doll up for you when we're going to be home all day.
When wearing my grey shirt and grey sweatpants, I miss you the most because I would never wear anything else when you're around.
I miss you so much and I wish you were still around. I don't know how to live life without my best friend and I don't know how to not want to message you every single second of the day. I am not doing okay. Life has become a little difficult without you.
Yes I smile and laugh, I won't sit quietly and mourn for the rest of my life because I know you would hate me for that. But I have at least 15 moments in a day when I miss you, where my heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach, my throat gets really dry, and my eyes get watery.
I don't know if it will get better, but you always said things like if it's meant to be it'll be. And things like, people leave, we have to learn to cherish our memories with them and learn to move on. I promise you, I cherish all of our memories every single day, but how am I supposed to move on from my best friend?
Lots of prayers going out for you every single day sweetheart.
I'll meet you in my dreams sometime and we'll go on a fun adventure together.
I love you now and forever.
I miss you forever and always.
إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oun
"Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return"